Relationships are hard. Whether dating, living together, engaged, or married problems will arise. A couple’s ability to work through difficult issues determines if they will stay together or break up. Here are five common problems couples may face, and solutions to help overcome these issues.
Poor Communication
One of the biggest challenges couples experience is communication. Patterns of communication can be tricky, especially if they become crossed. A common crossed communication pattern is one partner trying to fix or solve the issue when the other partner simply wants to vent. When this happens, both partners can quickly become angry and defensive, which can lead to days of not talking or engaging with one another.
The Solution
Tell your partner the type of communication you want to engage in. This might mean saying to your partner, “I need to vent about…”. Then your partner knows they they need to listen and provide empathy instead of breaking down the situation or trying to fix the problem.
Inability to Resolve Conflict
Every relationship has some conflict. To have no conflict means true thoughts and feelings are being suppressed, so it is ok to have conflict. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute has been studying and talking about conflict for many years. The trick to conflict is not letting it get out of hand. Throwing verbal daggers, intentionally saying hurtful things, or shutting a conversation down by leaving the room are unhealthy ways of solving conflict.
The Solution
Lean into the conflict instead of avoiding it. Use “I” statements to share how you are feeling. Avoid using hurtful words such as and “you” statements. Ask open-ended questions to gain information. Listen without talking over each other.
Not Taking Partner’s Influence
Being single means we make all the decisions. We don’t need to discuss or check with someone. We are free to do whatever we want whenever we want. Being in a committed relationship means listening and taking your partner’s influence before acting. This could be talking about how long to stay at happy hour with coworkers or listening to your partner’s research and ideas about what type of car to purchase. Repeatedly not taking your partner’s ideas and thoughts into consideration could cause the end of the relationship.
The Solution
Actively listen and understand your partner’s thoughts and ideas. Act according to their input.
Inability to Repair
Nobody is perfect. Partners make mistakes, forget to do things that are important to us, or say things they do not mean. This can happen in the heat of battle or through an innocent conversation. Repairs need to happen when this occurs otherwise the partner may feel unloved, neglected, or that their significant other does not care.
The Solution
Doing an immediate repair when our partner is hurt. Repairs can be verbal or nonverbal.
Examples of verbal repairs include:
- “Your Right”
- “My Apologies”
- “That was hurtful, forgive me”
Examples of non-verbal repairs include:
- Cooking favorite meals
- Giving a hug
- Writing a love poem or note
Not Making Time For Fun
Career, kids, and other obligations can get in the way of the relationship. Responsibilities of owning a home often take time away from the couple just being themselves. It’s important to spend quality time with your significant other. This does not have to be a big formal date. It can be as simple as sharing a funny story from your day. Not making time to have fun together may make your partner seek fun outside of the relationship.
The Solution
Structured goofing off time. This means setting a date to hang out and act goofy. Do something outside of each partner’s comfort zone, such as doing karaoke or playing laser tag.
Resources
This article provided five common problems and solutions in relationships. Click to learn more about Marriage Counseling or Couples Counseling if you need help solving problems in your relationship.
